Boundaries Assessment

1. When receiving a compliment you feel compelled to respond with anything other than a "thank you".


2. You often feel like people take advantage of your kindness or attempt to manipulate your emotions.

3. When saying no, you go into a long explanation of why you’re saying no so as not to offend.


4. You would never dream of sending something back at a restaurant. You’d rather eat what was served than be perceived as a bother. 

5. You often feel selfish to do what’s best for you and you are afraid of people thinking you’re selfish.


6. When you go out with friends you most often defer to what they want to do or where they want to go even if you know you don’t enjoy it. Friends might call you easy-going when in truth, you're afraid to speak your preferences.

7. You feel responsible to manage other people’s feelings or experiences as if you are the host of the situation even when you're not. You are worried about whether they are having a good time while neglecting your own needs.


8. You find yourself feeling resentful of a lot of people in your life but don't dare talk about it with them.

9. You are often described as very helpful, a shoulder to cry on, a problem-solver, a lifesaver,
 or are often called on to fix other people’s problems.

10. You are very uncomfortable and try to play peace-keeper or flee when you perceive potential conflict, people are arguing, there is a disagreement or the conversation becomes passionate. 

11. You are a giver yet can’t seem to receive- you give and give but don’t seem to have favours returned to you in kind or can’t easily accept favours from others.

12. You were not allowed privacy while growing up- there was lots of meddling in your affairs and intrusion into your personal business.


13. You find yourself avoiding certain situations or people you once enjoyed because you know you’ll feel uncomfortable expressing your needs and this will lead to friction. 

14. You often find yourself saying, "it doesn't matter", or “I don’t want to make a big deal of it”, even when it does. You downplay or act out passive-aggressively rather than expressing your true feelings or desires.  

15. You grew up with an ill, abusive, alcoholic or mentally-ill family member who was the focus of attention and your needs took a back seat. 

16. You seem to fall head over heels in love very quickly and are much more invested in the other person than they are in you or long before you really know them.


17. You often say “sorry” where “thank you” will do- using apology as social lubricant or for fear of losing acceptance.


18. When with a friend, their silence makes you uncomfortable and excessively worried about what the other person is thinking or feeling.
 

19. You loan money, your car, your possessions, against your better judgement because you feel obligated, ungrateful or like you have to constantly prove you are a good person.


20. You often undercharge for your services or give extras and freebies.
 You don't ask for what your time and effort is truly worth.

21. You spend a lot of time explaining or defending yourself and your motives to other people for the decisions you’ve made about your own life or you continue to accept unsolicited advice from others about your life decisions. 

22. You replay conversations after they are passed, criticizing what you did or didn't say and wishing for a "do-over".

23. You surprise yourself by over-reacting, acting out of character, blowing up unexpectedly or misdirecting your anger when it was not intended or warranted only to feel deeply remorseful and even shocked afterward. The reaction doesn't match the stimulus.

24. You find yourself over-sharing too much information in an attempt to build rapport and connection quickly only to regret it later. 


25. You accept hugs, physical contact or sexual advances when you don’t truly want it-  you override your true feelings for fear of reprisal or making the other person feel bad.