The Secondary Gain Principle:

Secondary gain is the psychological, subliminal motivator or “benefit” you get from NOT solving your problems. For example, we might continue to stay stuck in the self-judgment cycle to make ourselves fit in more comfortably with society and other women. Or we may continue to keep on extra weight to “protect” ourselves from potentially being re-victimized. We may stay sick in order to receive care or we may self-sabotage to avoid the overwhelm of high expectations. We all do it to some extent. And it is important to note that the secondary gain trap does not mean you are manipulating, faking, lying or that your problem is not causing you very real pain. It is not shameful, rather, it is a subconscious and protective psychological device that one gets stuck in when they aren't operating with self-awareness and it does not reflect on one’s character or integrity.

It is a type of coping mechanism or adaptation that ego has designed to keep you safe by keeping you stuck. By identifying ours, we can choose alternatives and get unstuck, enabling us to heal the core issue and experience the greatest benefits.

By identifying these patterns we can understand our-self and our subconsciously motivating beliefs with greater compassion and less judgment. Once we bring these subconscious patterns to the light of day we can choose from a place of greater self-knowledge and awareness. When we choose from a conscious place we are creating our life deliberately and not by default. This is the path to empowered living and greater freedom!

To identify your secondary gains, ask yourself, “where have I had a secret payoff that has kept me stuck in my old behaviours and patterns?”

Dive deeper with the next few questions to fully understand and own these secondary gain blind-spots that have kept you stuck.

1. Who am I if I’m not struggling with my: negative body image, weight, dieting and/or negative eating habits, self-criticism, illness/poor health, toxic relationships, addiction, drama, scarcity-mentality, victim-hood, powerlessness etc.?

2. What do I get to not feel and/or not experience by staying stuck in this old behavioural pattern or circumstance?

3. What would be required of me if I get unstuck and am I avoiding this?

4. What am I getting out of staying stuck? What is the obvious payoff?

5. What is NOT loving and accepting myself costing me? Is it worth what I am benefiting from the secondary gains to stay stuck?

Summer Of Self-LOVE 6 Week Transformation 2017 Written and Created by Natalie Reimer Anderson All Rights Reserved