Here are several easy phrases to articulate your boundaries. Use them to create a script for your specific situations.

Concise & Clear Boundary Statements: “Thank you, but” Formula:

No, but thank you.

Thanks, but I’m just not feeling it right now.

That’s not for me but thanks for the offer.

I really need to conserve my energy right now. But thanks for thinking of me.

I’m looking after other priorities right now, I won’t be able to but thanks for thinking of me.

More Complex: “Feeling + Request” Formula

When you give me expensive gifts I feel uncomfortable. I would really appreciate it if we discuss it first because I don’t need expensive gifts to show me you love me. 

When you tell me to lighten up and smile more I feel like I can’t fully be myself around you. Please let me express myself as I feel. 

When you ask me to stay late on Friday to finish a project I feel unappreciated for how hard I work. I’ll be more than happy to do the work when given appropriate time and fair warning. 

Boundaries with Consequences: “If/Then” Formula

I know this may not be apparent to you but my time is very valuable to me and when you show up late for our plans it makes me think you don’t appreciate me and my time. From now on if you can’t make our plans then I will have to stop making them with you. 

If you continue to speak to me like this then I won’t be able to spend time here.

If you text me late at night I will reply at a time that works for me. If you are not okay with that, then I won’t be texting at all. 

If you cannot respect what I am asking for, then we will need to take a break. 

If you continue to attempt to guilt me, then I will have to end this conversation. 

Create your own and practice saying them out loud with authority into your mirror or voice recorder.