Types of Boundary Violators

Determining which category your “boundary testers” fit into will help shape how you deal with them differently.

The Boundary Blind- These folks seem to have no clue where they end and you begin. They are not necessarily trying to step all over your boundaries but they often do because their own sense of self or co-dependent tendencies are showing up in a lack of awareness. The people in your life that fall into this category need help to know what is appropriate. Ask yourself if you have the energy or desire to show them. Be honest, because you can only take on so many before you get burnt out and resentful. Also, be aware that sometimes there are those who act like they are boundary blind when they really are just playing dumb. This is a subtle form of manipulation that you will want to call out if you plan on having a harmonious relationship with this kind of violator. make a list of yours.

The Boundary Bullies- These are the full on deliberate boundary perpetrators. They typically show a lack of respect for your personal agency and autonomy. These are the particularly difficult people in your life where you feel like there is a constant battle of will and relationship with them is a power struggle. List yours.

The Boundary In-Betweens- These individuals may fluctuate between being overly authoritative to completely oblivious about how they handle your boundaries. With these kinds of relationships it is best to teach them how boundaries are acted out in a healthy way by leading by example. Being curious about when they seem to push versus when they are more lenient will help you to understand what matters to these people that they perhaps aren't willing to express or don't feel the self worth to ask for outright. You will need to determine for yourself to whom you give your time and energy to teach your boundaries. List yours. 

Now for a fun twist on the above theme... Go back into the exercise and look honestly at where YOU fall into each of these categories. We all, at times, become the trespasser, whether intentionally or not. To ask others to treat us with the respect and kindness we deserve we must first be the example of healthy boundaries and respect to them. Notice where you can have a greater regard for other people's boundaries and pledge to do so today!