Attachment versus Authenticity

Today we come full circle. We explore the questions of why we CRAVE? What is the deep longing within each human being that causes us to desire so strongly that we will even harm ourselves in search of what we need? What do we truly crave? How can we reconnect to our authentic expression and our authentic Soul's desires for our life? Once again, it is important to clarify that to crave or desire is not inherently wrong, rather, it is the motivation behind the craving- conscious or unconscious - that renders it empowering or dis-empowering. Let's figure out where our craving is coming from so that in every moment we are choosing our authentic desire rather than an ultimately unsatisfying temporary substitute.

It all goes back to early childhood. For a young child it is easier to blame them-self than to see the parents, who are their entire world, as anything but perfect and even heroic. A child concludes that she must be wrong and bad and have to hide or detach from parts of her authentic Self, rather than to detach from or challenge the relationship with the parents who are her lifeline. It means life and death in the mind of a child because their very survival depends on this parental attachment. Without secure attachments the child will feel unsafe and insecure and this will follow them into adulthood. As long as you are a traumatized child living as an adult you will deny your authenticity in order to be loved and attached.

Attachment is one of the two fundamental survival needs in every human. The second is authenticity. Authenticity is the sense of being ourselves, knowing who we are and what we feel. This is a survival need because to be authentic is to be in touch with your body and your instincts, intuition and needs. The need for authenticity as an adult is as powerful as the attachment need was for the child. But as a child, if the authentic expression of Self threatened attachment, the child will always choose attachment. This survival choice or "adaptation" causes repression of authenticity which leads to dis-ease because you cannot separate the mind from the body. Eventually the body will express this pain and revolt. According to Dr. Gabor Matē, all pathology and much of our disease begins with having had to choose attachment over authenticity.

A traumatized adult will choose attachment over authenticity because they still believe themselves to be in a situation of survival or this state of denying their authentic self is "safe" and "normal". Yet the irony is that as an adult, not choosing authenticity is what is actually harming you. We are re-traumatizing ourselves when we look to unhealthy attachments (addictions) to material things, substances and people to satisfy us while denying our authentic Self that wishes to be expressed and loved just as we are. It is important to note that childhood trauma is not about a singular incident or event. It is about one's own internalized response to the event(s)/incident(s) -the perception of the incident.

Trauma is subjective and relative to each individual. Therefore it is this internalized trauma response that disconnects you from the authentic Self. But, the good news is that if trauma is what occurred within you as a reaction to an event(s) and not an external event, then you hold the power to heal it!! The loss of connection to the authentic Self can be reconnected because the source is WITHIN you!!

The pain you carry must be "revealed to be healed". Addiction behaviours only make it harder to identify the pain/trauma and heal it. Denying, suppressing or medicating it away makes it worse over time. What was once the cure has now become the poison. There are no solutions to be found outside of you. The healing is found by going within.

The good news is that your authentic Self desperately desires to be healed and reconnected and so, ongoing suffering is simply because what is real inside of us wants to be alive and expressed but we don't remember how. We traded our innate childlike creativity -our soul's expression- for addictive attachments to people and things we thought would fulfill us and keep us safe. In order to reclaim our authenticity we must reclaim our creative expression!! Creativity is the Soul expressing itself and it is our gift to the world! The creative adult is the child who survived, yes but, you can bring the child back to life by choosing first to be creative!!

Addiction is not who you are. Surviving is not who you are. That would be to mistakenly define yourself from your past and identify yourself as an experience that happened you. Let that identification go. Seek only to have compassionate curiosity for who you are now and how this Self came to be. Despite all that happened to you or what you have or haven't done, you are a worthy human being just for being.

Nothing needs to be fixed; because you are not deficient, broken or defunct. You are human.

As an adult you now get to consciously choose authenticity over attachment. The very best part is that when you choose authenticity you magically open yourself up for BOTH!! When you strive to not compromise your authenticity for attachments then your attachments become true connections and true friendships that will honour the authentic you!!

Your re-connection to your authentic Self and healing can begin by asking this simple yet powerful question: IS THIS MY AUTHENTIC CHOICE?